The Pub Story
He hustled past the crowd. With his mind spewing a smoking rage of destruction. I had to do it.
A few elbows later, the bar was reached. He adjusts himself clumsily onto the high seat. Looks around at the bartender through the veil of bloodshot eyes. Scotch. Been eons, the last time he felt liquor.
I had to do it.
It felt warm as it entered the esophagus. Moments of the past hour suddenly whizzed past him. Flashes of his evil side.
I guess I had to do it.
He was rotating in a whirl of emotions. The peg after the gulp. Golden. Loud music. Anger.
In a flicker, he gulped the waiting element. Every drop. Accompanying it was a deep stir somewhere within him.
I dunno if I should have done that
The eyes kept getting redder. One more. Clutching his hair, he bent down over the table. A small tear disturbed the surface. The peg came. The gulp overcome as it came. One more.
What have I done?
The tears flew a lot more faster. More disturbances. One more.
WHAT HAVE I DONE?
Behind him, the world carried on. Basking in their own mistakes.
A few elbows later, the bar was reached. He adjusts himself clumsily onto the high seat. Looks around at the bartender through the veil of bloodshot eyes. Scotch. Been eons, the last time he felt liquor.
I had to do it.
It felt warm as it entered the esophagus. Moments of the past hour suddenly whizzed past him. Flashes of his evil side.
I guess I had to do it.
He was rotating in a whirl of emotions. The peg after the gulp. Golden. Loud music. Anger.
In a flicker, he gulped the waiting element. Every drop. Accompanying it was a deep stir somewhere within him.
I dunno if I should have done that
The eyes kept getting redder. One more. Clutching his hair, he bent down over the table. A small tear disturbed the surface. The peg came. The gulp overcome as it came. One more.
What have I done?
The tears flew a lot more faster. More disturbances. One more.
WHAT HAVE I DONE?
Behind him, the world carried on. Basking in their own mistakes.
posted by Tejas at 11:56 AM
5 Comments:
Liquor ... Hmmm.. I wonder wheter that comes from my job profile or the bottles of beer and wine that lies in our fridge?
Well... Good work phoenix !! You have arrived !
Hmmnn... good one.
Anger, Guilt, Vivid human characterization...Mystery! it's all there. it's intriguing.
U know what they say? Describing the character in your work through actions is more effectual than describing him/her through strings of adjectives. like, if u wanna say that XYZ is cunning, just show him pelting a stone at a pup. that's it.
N thru your story I can already visualize this man u r talking abt, trying hard to guess what is it that he might have done.
So, shall I call this a piece that is waiting to grow into a novella? Why not?
Give it a shot. I know there’s a book somewhere within you. :)
tk care n stay safe (from rising fuel prices, etc.)
-Krishna
Tejas,
Do you know what did you do now? You have not revealed to me what he did.
Now would you quickly tell me what mistake did he commit that he's feeling remorseful in a pub?
@rupie: Thanks buddy. Its surely the lovely wine!
@Krishna: Thanks again. Book is a long way away. Need more motivation. But it surely is a future dream.
@Indicaspecies: Hahaha...if I say that...the suspense ends. Let the thought-process door remain open :)
F*$&..you are torturing me.:P
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