Saturday, September 30, 2006

No Subject

I was ecstatic all this while. Bouncing in the air for that matter. Might have broken a few tiles and cots for that matter. Life has been beautiful. No *writer's block* and its been four months and 67 posts. Until today.

Senseless hyperbolic talk follows.

Been so busy that the donkeys are heehawing with delight. Musharraf found his alter ego in Bush as seen in a worldwide televised press conference: the former fool publicising his *sci-fi* book and the latter fool appreciating his efforts. Tom gets hurt again in his pursuit of Jerry. Rabri believes Laloo is best management teacher. Three cheers to KANK for not making it to the Oscars. Deception Point by Dan Brown is the stupidest thriller ever written. The WTO is a mud slinging duel between governments with no final bell. The ubiquitous Himesh has discovered his true place nowadays - at home. The lymphocircoma of the intestine is the most grieved disease in the world. Norah Jones has the sweetest voice on Earth. Just a matter of 20 days for my 6 day Kanchenjunga trek to begin. Alonso is four asses ahead of Schumi in the Chinese Grand Prix qualifying. Itzhak Perlman's violin theme for Schindler's List is the most emotionally cathartic music ever composed. Garfield's snooze reckons him to grab a bite before continuing his nap again. I look forward to eating an eclectic mix of pav bhaji - rasam toppings on a pizza spiced with schezwan and mustard sauce. True blue writers are never blocked by writer's block.

My mind is a nomad obsessed with scrounging for water in varied oases

Friday, September 22, 2006

Dumb and Dumber

Dumb: I am working on creating a new religion. Yeah baby yeah.

Dumber: Ohh really! I love this. How do you go about this?

Dumb: My dumb brain suggests me to start off with writing a book.

Dumber: Woaah! A book. I hate books. I love comics.

Dumb: Dude, don't you worry! This book is never to be read.

Dumber: So then, is this a book with lotsa pictures? I love pictures. Make it a fat book of pictures.

Dumb: No dear. It will of course be a fat book. But with no pictures. Only good things.

Dumber: You mean good things like burgers, pizzas, icecreams, cars, women, money?

Dumb: Uhhh...yeah...sorta. All this comes in the end. Before that, the readers have to follow the steps, I suggest in the book.

Dumber: This is confusing. How do I get all those good things, without reading the fat book?

Dumb: Ahha! You need not do anything. After the book is over, I will enlist a few people who will give you an understanding of the book. I call them preachers.

Dumber: P-R-E-A-C-H-E-R. Is this spelling correct? One more thing. Are these preachers nice?

Dumb: Yeah buddy, the spelling's fine. These preachers will be very nice to everyone and know what, they will try and convert everyone around to pray to our God.

Dumber: WE have our own God! That is way too cool. What does HE do and where is HE?

Dumb: Super cool! But dear, HE actually doesn't exist. All we will be doing is to write super good stuff about this God, so that people believe in HIM

Dumber: If HE doesn't exist, then why this new GOD? We already have a FEW around.

Dumb: Power, my friend, POWER. The whole world loves God. And once people start loving our GOD, we can influence them through the preachers. We will have the power.

Dumber: Ahha! I am getting the whole thing now. But what about the miracles, the Gods are known to do.

Dumb: Magic. My preachers will take care of that. Generally, we won't have to worry much about that. You just talk about God and people will follow you.

Dumber: Interesting! Can you do a favor for me? Please accept my suggestion for our God's name.

Dumb: Sure! Shoot.

Dumber: Thanks. I have always loved Popeye. Is that name fine?

Dumb: Uhhhoh. Will think about it.

Dumber: You rock man! I never knew you were this dumb. I love religion and God.

Dumb: So do I, dear. So do I.

Found this vitriolic? My apologies to all those theists, who are reading this (coz am not one). This influenced me to post.

The world ain't a Truman Show. No one's watching you. Even if you kill each other in the name of HIM.

Saturday, September 16, 2006

The Elevator Story

M ran along the atrium desperately to catch the elevator. A taste of a knee here, an elbow there and of course the regular stumble later - not to forget the Excuse me and the Am sorry - he managed to force open the closing doors, Spiderman style. Immediately, 4 clear and 2 spectacled eyes ogled at him with a silent grimace. To avoid the honorary disgrace, M once inside, looked down at his shoelaces. What he did might have been improper. But then he cannot afford to be late for the meeting. He was sure he might admonish someone someday who might commit this act. Whatever! All he wished was that the 36th floor turns up in a flicker, so that he could deliver to his boss the stupendous business idea he had conceived. And walk back home with a fat bonus.

L pouted at this sudden impropriety inflicted by M in the elevator. Some people are always in a hurry. Born and raised in a poor drug afflicted African American family, L always felt that life was a chess game with the white pieces always trying to checkmate the black ones. But with his belief in himself and Bob Marley, he coaxed the American Dream to visit his doorstep. Started with a McDonalds home delivery job in hand, he somehow worked his way through college. With a few dollars in hand, he applied for a Stanford MBA and since, the greenback never seems to shy away from him. And here he is, in the Elevator of El Dorado, about to convince his client to invest in India, intermittently dreaming of a beach-house in Jamaica.

C's mood of the day: flirty. The break-up hangover had left her for the better. Life is so good, when you are single. Away from all the tantrums, back to the innumerable choices. The moment of irritation lasted only a second, as M entered. The cuteness factor in M crept C all over inside. She was eyeing him through the glossy mirrors in the elevator and just wished that he glances at her, atleast once. No guy can escape her beauty and charm after that. Being blond, intelligent and pretty carries with it benefits that no man and reality shows can ignore. Of course, being a secretary of the CEO handling a multinational corporation carries with it benefits that no human can ignore. All the while, C's mind started racing - Which firms are listed on the 36th floor? She was already forboding a date with this cute guy sometime soon.

P twitched his glasses as M barged in. He twitched them again as he continued reading through the case file. It was a complicated affair - fighting against an organisation accused of monopoly and unfair trade practices. He was carved with honesty and with just that trait - though it seemed utopian to many - he got successful and set up his own law firm in this hallowed place. His clients, an aspiring go-big organisation, repeatedly thwarted by their competitor's efforts to buckle them down, had approached him offering to pay 500 bucks an hour. P, never enticed by money, had accepted it after a thorough analysis of the company's claims. P reviewed the final pages of his compiled casefile to be presented to a jurisdiction court at midday. Ohh, how I wish Christmas was near. Ohh, how I wish the 58th floor was nearer.

It was 8.46 am. The elevator suddenly shook like crazy. M, L, C and P and their dreams plunged into an infinite abyss and blackness in this elevator of the North Tower of the World Trade Centre on September 11,2001.

M, L, C and P are a handful of the many victims that suffered that day. This is my ode to them and their dreams.

Know I should have posted this on the 5th year eve, a few days back. But guess you understand the metaphor in my last post. Time and death never waits for anybody.

Saturday, September 09, 2006


It seems so crazy. But somehow-someway, my honesty, frankness and heartspeak has never let me down.

Cut to Thursday, when my new boss called me over and suggested me to take up an impossible-to-accomplish assignment. I was chosen specifically for this task over 250 other associates. But with a catch that I remain committed to work till Feb, 2008. For me, such tasks make what I am. They get the best out of me and I have never disappointed anyone before. This assignment thrilled me to no end and my mind egged me on to take it up. A simple nod would have sealed the deal. However, the heart stopped me right there. There are a few things that I hold very close to my heart. And making a commitment now would have ruined all that. Plus, I have never believed in killing a gentleman's trust. I pondered over all this for a day: mind vs heart. The next day, I mailed him.

Dear Boss,

I express myself better in writing, hence this. This mail is to convey my decision on the commitment you asked for, till Feb 2008. I would like to tell you that it will not be possible for me to give such a commitment, specifically for two reasons:

Reason 1: hinting a future career change

Reason 2: a genuine grievance which I had raised with the company; alas no response

I understand your dilemma and hence this frankness. However, I can assure you my complete dedication and services till June 2007 after which I cannot promise anything. I like to take up challenges and I ensure that I fight it. Also, I hope this communication between us remains confidential. If you wish, we can talk further on this.

Thanks & Regards,

My decisions never lead to regret. I am simply optimistic and look forward in life.

Friday morning: My boss thrusts that all important assignment on me. Raises the Reason 2 grievance with the top management. The bee is no longer a metaphor for busy. I am.

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

The Airport Story

J looked at his watch. Its time. The moment had arrived. The time stood still, flooding his cranium with a motley of mixed emotions. Thrill. Angst. Love. Fear.

"I really hate to do this alone. I am gonna miss you so much dear," said J to his wife of 14 months.

G gave him a small peck on his cheek. "Will miss you too baby. But don't you worry about us. Its just a matter of 4 days. It will pass by without a blink."

"Next time, I'll ensure that they allow you and S to join me for such foreign jaunts. You know P always takes his wife and kid with him, wherever he goes," J chuckled.

"Sweety, don't let such petty issues trouble you now. Go and savour your first ever foreign trip. Of course, both of us will be there with you next time," consoled G.

"A final call for all passengers heading for London Heathrow via BA6355 to please check-in their luggage"

"Ok, I'll make a move." J kissed the sleepy S on her tiny forehead. A warm hug with G later, he trudged along slowly towards the check-in counter. A final round of goodbyes ensued and he could make out G's lips crying out, "Have a safe trip" from the distance.

J was amazed at the scene the interior confines of the airport presented. It looked like an age-old government office. "No wonder why the Indian media always complains of the dilapidated airport," thought J.

The BA check-in counter was officiated by a smart gentleman.
"Can I please have your passport and tickets," he exclaimed. J handed over to him. A minute passed.

"Can you please pass your luggage through this conveyor belt?" He promptly did that. The BA officer stamped his passport, stuffed the boarding pass within it and handed it back.

"Thank you Sir, have a nice flight"

"Thank you very much," replied J and started heading towards the BA gate.

Suddenly two tall uniformed men sprang me nowhere and blocked J's path. "Can you come with us for a minute?"

"Excuse me, but is there anything wrong? I am getting late for the flight."

"Yes. Its important. Follow us. We want you to verify something"

Beads of perspiration dropped down J's forehead. "Now what. Why can't bad luck look for other people to screw."

C with his bushy mustache was waiting for him in the dark closed room. He looked at J sardonically.
"Are you J?"


"Are you travelling to London?"


"Whats the purpose of visiting?"


"Hmmm...Is this your checked-in luggage"


"Do you know what's inside the bag?"

"Yeah. A few clothes, toiletries etc. Am only heading for a 4 day trip."

"Ohh is it? Do you know what this is?"

A small pouch containing a white powder was thumped on the table in front of J"

"No. What is it?"

"Don't act clever buddy. Tell us before we start kicking your ass"

"For God's sake...tell me what's going on. I am already late for the flight. Please let me go. I have to be in London tomorrow."

C thundered above him "How dare a drug peddler like you talk to me like this? You stupid ass. Where did you get this heroin from?"

J looked at the white powder with shock. "Heroin. Oh my God. How the hell did it get in there. G had packed all my stuff. But G and heroin....I don't get this. What is happening?"

"I don't know anything about this, Sir"

"That is a run-of-the-mill dialogue. Don't you have anything better to offer?"

The seconds clicked. The other two uniformed men suddenly pounced on him and held his arms tightly.

J shrieked "Please let me go. Am innocent"

J was crying hoarsely. Like he had never cried before. The next two minutes, the entire room brimmed with the surrounding grief

Suddenly the lights in the room lit up. There was laughter all around. G was laughing too. C was Cyrus Broacha.

Friday, September 01, 2006

Quixotic at 2.30 am

1. This stood third. Am I elated? Sure! Am I zapped? Yeah! But I am flummoxed too. How could this happen? Were there more than three entries?

2. I received a Gold Credit Card. Ok India, here I come to catalyse that growth by a percentage point. Starting tomorrow. The first hit on my "Priceless" Card will be the rickshaw fare .

3. Returning back after cackling with laughter watching Lage Raho Munnabhai. Circuiteshwar was capriciously funny but the accolades go to Munna's chemical locha. The glitter provided by Janvi (Vidya Balan) was more lustrous than gold. Oye Circuit, apun ko koi aisich ladki dhund ke de.

4. Since every other blogger is a poet by heart, I feel its time for me to unleash one on you. Its past midnight, so requesting all below 18 to desist from reading this 'A' rated poem.
Jack and Jill went up the hill
Purpose was to run the mill

The sky turned dark
Breaking every light apart

It bought the rain
Without any refrain

Every life got wet
Surely I could bet

Things went wild
Which weren't mild

Nothing was missed
Everything was kissed

Over an hour gone
A new love was born
Hey, you perveted mind
Why are you so blind?

One was a husband, one was a wife
When will a bum like you get wise?

My apologies. Please, no brickbats with one footwear piece. A pair is welcome. Eggs are fine as I am eggitarian.

5. Don Quixote: "I 'm a loafer by nature, I'm too lazy to go hunting for authors who say what I already know how to say without their help"